Review of Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow
I received this book from Thomas Nelson for review purposes. It has not affected the review in any way.
David Murrow’s book Why Men Hate Going to Church is not only provocatively titled, it is provocatively written.
Murrow breaks the book into three sections that define the problem for men, the problem for the church, and the way the church can bring men back. I’ll talk briefly about each section.
Part 1: Where Are The Men?
This is probably the best section in the book. In 50 pages, Murrow repeatedly proves why men are leaving the church. He boils it down to a few things: The feels feminine, makes men feel unneeded, and treats Jesus as a boyfriend instead of a leader.
While it feels aggressive and overstated, Murrow makes a fantastic case for himself.
Part 2: Church Culture vs. Man Culture
In part 2, Murrow dives into church history, theology, and gender distinctions. He specifically focuses on how the church became feminized, why it stays that way, and how men feel about it.
The main points of this section are: Churches advertise to women because it is profitable, they don’t have male-gifted service opportunities, and they use feminine language in the pulpit.
Again, it is difficult to disagree with him. He proves his case really well. As someone who has been in the church his whole life, I have seen these things time and time again.
Part 3: Calling the Church Back to Men
Part 3 is the most controversial. Murrow gives practical ways churches can change to bring men into the church.
He calls churches to change the language from family/intimacy language to kingdom/king language. He suggests repainting the walls darker, man friendly, tones. And he suggests taking the emphasis off female gifts and putting it on ways men can serve.
My Thoughts
After reading this book and digesting it awhile I’ve come to the conclusions that I highly recommend it.
Why Men Hate Going to Church challenges churches to get men in the door and keep them there. Murrow asks church leaders to swallow their pride and change the way they’ve been doing things.
It is a hard pill to swallow and it means churches need to change their focus, preach more aggressively, and change the way it has been done their whole life. But it works.
If you are a church leader, a member of a church, or a person who wants to see men in the church then pick up Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow.
If nothing else, it will force you to think differently.
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Alex, Thanks for the review. Our church specifically targets men in their worship format. It’s been interesting to see the growth pattern. This looks like a good read and an important read for reaching out to the many, many unchurched/unconnected men in our communities.
I believe it is. Sometimes it is a hard pill to swallow, but after letting it digest a bit I can’t help but agree with almost everything the author says.
Glad to hear your church is targeting men! What are they doing to get men interested?
This looks like he just watched a bunch of Driscoll sermons and said the exact same thing, lol. Guess I’ll have to read it to get his more nuanced view of the subject though.
Lol!
It has an endorsement by Driscoll, and there is a bit of that in there, but I’d wager that Driscoll takes a bit of his knowledge from this guy’s research!
I have heard of this book… http://www.smallgroupbooks.com reviews Christian books all the time, and they recently did one on this book!
I haven’t been able to find their review. Did they like it?
What are some ways that the language of the church is feminine?
There are a few points, but the biggest one is the idea of a relationship with God.
The phrase “relationship with God” is not found anywhere in the Bible. It is an out pouring of being children of God. Instead of a relationship, the Bible calls us to war and to service. This relationship language was developed a few hundred years ago when churches were dominated by women.
This relationship language can also be seen in many songs. Specifically stuff like, “I wanna sit at your feet/ Drink from the cup in your hand / lay back against you and breathe / feel your heart beat / this love is so real / it’s more than I can take / I melt in your peace / it’s overwhelming”.
Lyrics like that turn Jesus into a boyfriend or lover instead of a King and God.
The way he differentiates the two is the “Lame of God” vs. the “Lion of Judah”.
The lamb of God never raises his voice, he likes to cuddle, he’s just so loving to everyone.
The Lion of Judah is a righteous king and judge who has grace and mercy for his children but wrath for his enemies. The lion of Judah is the action hero who comes to earth to fight the bad guys, gets the crap beat out of him after an epic battle, and just when all hope is lost comes back to defeat evil and get the girl (the church is His bride!).
Those are a few examples of feminine language. There is a lot more in the book and the more I pay attention to Christian culture, the more I see it everywhere! lol.