Talk About Your Money
It’s weird that you don’t tell people how much you make.
It doesn’t feel weird, but it is.
Think about it; it’s okay to talk about careers, relationships, family, sex, education, and politics with friends, family, and even strangers; but it’s completely taboo to tell someone how much money you make.
Does anyone know how much you made last year? How about how much you expect to make this year? Probably not.
Some married couples don’t even tell each other what they make! (I hope that is as crazy to you as it is to me).
Money Silence Is Epidemic
Money is the only real taboo we have left.
Even if you agree about religion, politics, and relationships you’re still unlikely to talk about money!
It makes sense. Most of us weren’t taught how to use cash. We learned from banks, car dealers, and our neighbors. That means our education came coming from:
- people trying to trick us into paying interest and fees (banks and car dealers) and,
- people who are faking it just like us (remember all those people who lost their homes because they couldn’t actually afford it).
Looking around, confused and stressed, you see people that seem to be doing well when, really, they’re under a pile of debt, on the brink of divorce, and have no idea what they’re doing!
And everyone stays quiet, pretending like nothing is wrong.
The taboo stays strong.
And even though you felt the pain of the recession, you haven’t changed anything.
Un-Taboo Your Money
Start today.
Find someone wiser than yourself, who knows how to handle their finances, and tell them:
- How much debt you have (include credit cards, your house, cars, student loans, etc)
- How much money you have in savings (include cash, retirement, CDs, stocks, and anything else you have money in).
- How much you make per year (and per month).
- The lifestyle you dream of living.
Then do something radical: ask for their advice. Let them tell you what works and what doesn’t. Allow them to help you change the way you use money.
Don’t argue. You picked them because they’re good with money. Even if you decide to ignore their advice, don’t fight them; learn from them.
I Can Help
If you don’t have anyone you can talk to about money, then talk with me. If you’re ready to break the taboo, I will gladly listen and advise.
All you have to do is email me by clicking this link and let me know what’s going on with you financially.
I promise to keep it confidential, and to give you honest answers and advice that works.
Don’t let a cultural taboo stop you from changing your life.
Why don’t you like telling people about your money?
Brandon (132)
Loren Pinilis (109)
Mike Luna (103)
ixnayonthetimmay (83)
Dustin (78)
moe (63)
Don Sartain (59)
Pastor Matt (36)
JeniferR (30)
Adam (20)
First, go back and make your links…
I think that asking advice and being accountable for how we spend money is a good thing. I also think that the “Don’t talk about how much you make” rule came more from people trying to establish a relative sense of humility, or possibly driven from jealousy and not wanting to hear it.
It’s one thing for me to go to an older person and say “Hey, I may $100,000 a year [I don’t, and I’m sure Alex knows this without my telling him], how can I best accomplish X, Y, and Z?”
It’s another for me to talk about how much I make with all my friends. If I’m living a moderate lifestyle, they should be content knowing that I’m not struggling, and if I’m living an exorbitant lifestyle, they probably already know I’m making well more than I need and don’t need me to tell them.
Hopefully, through seeking counsel and advice from older men, that money (if I ever get to the exorbitant level) will be spent to help people, ministries, etc. and not just serve to make me even more comfortable than I already am.
I will add that there should always be room for peer-to-peer accountability with how finances are spent, even though they may not know how much I make each year.
Thanks, looks like I accidentally copied the post twice from Word. Fixed it!
As for talking to anyone about money, I don’t really want that to happen (most people can’t handle it or shouldn’t know such things).
But I do recommend having someone to talk about money with. There is too much misinformation out there to go at money alone.
Ah, ok. That makes more sense now.
Alex, I think the main reason why most people don’t like talking about their money is because there is a ton of shame and embarrassment involved. We all have done dumb things with money and some have done dumb with a lot of zero’s at the end and it’s hard to talk openly about our mistakes and we feel like we are the only ones who have done them. Another reason is because our society is very judgmental with money. We look at athletes and musicians and see how much money they make and think they have it made and when they go bankrupt we wonder out loud “How could someone who makes that much money spend it all?” But the problem with that is that we judge whether or not somebody is wealthy by home much money they make or by what they are buying with their money and not by how much money they have saved in the bank.
But good topic, I think if we were more open to others about our financial struggles there would be more discussion on how to how to avoid financial mistakes.
“there is a ton of shame and embarrassment involved.”
I see that to be true for a lot of people. I’m in an FPU class right now and by the way everyone speaks about money, it’s a source of shame and embarrassment for sure.
However, with that group they are talking about it, learning what to do, and trying to change that.
My hope is that this post encourages a few people to take that same step!
Some situations are more than awkward. Discussing finances with, fo example, co-workers is indeed risky business. What wage an individual receives can become fodder for jealosy and relational mismanagement. Men at my shop recently found out what a rather new employee was receiving and it caused no little stir since he was near their wage…and they have been employed many years.
Seeking advice from someone unrelated can provide substantial benefits though we have been taught it is risky business and therefore shirk from asking for help. It comes back to the issue of trust. Advice on money and financial decisions requires utmost trust.
Very true. It’s probably unwise to tell a co-worker how much you’re making, especially in a non-union environment.
I like your point at the end: “Seeking advice from someone unrelated can provide substantial benefits…It comes back to the issue of trust.”
It is a trust issue. But how to we find someone to trust?
Great post! It’s good to be back commenting here…I’ve been battling pneumonia for a few days now. I’m still feeling bad, but a little bit better.
Glad to see you’re starting to feel better, Brandon. You are in my prayers!
I think it has a lot to do with modesty sometimes. Some people don’t want to brag about how much they make or about how much their house, car, etc. is worth. I actually was more open about what I made when I made much less, and that seems to be a pattern I’ve seen played out a few times over. And it’s not the only taboo we have — try asking a middle aged woman how old she is and how much she weighs!
But yeah, I definitely think that the taboo of talking about money can be a detrimental thing to many. We need to learn how to be frank about concepts even if we’re not frank about numbers for the sake of those who need to hear what you’re saying.
Touche on the other taboos! lol.
I agree. As we get older, those who are more knowledgeable than us change. Many people my age couldn’t counsel me on finances. From where I’m at, many people much older than me also can’t counsel me well.
However, there are many people wiser and more knowledgeable about money than I am, and I make it a point to ask them questions, let them know my choices, and try to get their advice.
I love your last statement, “We need to learn how to be frank about concepts even if we’re not frank about numbers for the sake of those who need to hear what you’re saying.” For those who aren’t ready to talk numbers, it’s very important we at least talk concepts.
Very good point Alex!
I think the biggest source of anxiety about discussing real, hard figures in one’s money game comes from the employment restriction about talking about one’s wages. Early on in one’s working life, it is drilled into employees’ heads never to discuss with other coworkers what one earns for reasons mentioned already. But I think that goes with people as they grow. Couple that with either the embarrassment of “making too little” or the aversion to boasting that “one makes too much” and it’s a recipe for scruples!
There are still financial things I’d rather keep private, but the absolute silence on the matter is something that, I agree, should go away. And as for your challenge, I accept and will raise the bet by volunteering the following: I made almost $32k last year and expect to make slightly more this year, making 2011 my highest-earning year so far. I know I’m still below the median income level, but I’m proud of where I’ve come so far. My house is worth $72k and the balance remaining on the mortgage is $62k. I just bought a used car for $4800 and paid cash(ier’s check) for it!
Thank you, Tim! You really have gone above and beyond. It’s so great to see how well you are doing financially!
Congrats on the car, the income, and the home! Thank you for helping to break the taboo.
Would you ever be interested in writing a guest post about your journey?
I must admit, I still felt uneasy about posting that comment. But waffling over it for five minutes told me that I had to. Though it’s not something I like necessarily, the fact that so much of our so-called “private” information is available almost makes it irrelevant if anyone posts their generic financial info. Home value estimates are readily available on the likes of Zillow and mortgage information is in the public record.
Hmm…actually I would very much to make a guest post! I feel honored you would ask me. But since my writing skills are somewhat unrefined, I would want to run any content by you and/or someone else before a final draft.
That’ll be fine. I can even edit it a bit to make it run a bit more smoothly. message me on facebook when you’ve come up with the topic/content.